WELCOME TO SM

[Rika]

Everything had changed. It's like Fate had handed her everything she had ever wanted, and then, when she was just getting comfortable, ripped her world apart, cackling all the while. She hadn't slept well. Perhaps it was the absence of other bodies in her den, for Aneyu had stayed with her father for a few days. Perhaps it was the end of her relationship, the broken heart she was sporting from her last mate. Ha, two mates. Two. And she had failed with both of them. Something must be wrong with her. She couldn't keep a mate, couldn't keep her family together, couldn't even take care of her daughter properly. Oh, and let's not forget that she failed as a gamma female. She was a failure, through and through, and realizing this only made her feel that much worse. Rather than feeling like the proud, deadly huntress that she was, she felt no larger than an ant and equally defenseless. Slinking away from the dens, she found her way to Taizen River. Laying on its banks in the dead of night, she stared at her reflection in the river, the moon hanging in the sky behind her, round and full as ever. Tears slid silently down her cheeks, as they had for days now at night, as she struggled not to scream or growl or something to express her frustration. She had failed everyone.

She'd given herself a few nights to wallow in grief, but during the day she was all business. Clear eyes and clear head, focused and dedicated to the pack with a passion she had never possessed before, she had dove into her duties as gamma female with the determination of a starving lion stalking its kill. She'd practically lived at the borders lately, leaving only when sleep was required. She had to have something to do, had to have something to focus on, to keep from going insane. In truth, she was afraid. She was afraid that this was it, that this was her life, her fate. She was afraid that she would be alone until the day she died. It terrified her, kept her up at night and entered her dreams in malicious ways. It haunted her, day and night, until all she could do was think about her duties, her pack, her daughter; they kept her grounded, kept the fear from taking over. They kept her sane.

But as she stared at the river, she knew it was only a matter of time before she crumbled, fell apart at the seams. Her pack could never see her like this, could never see her weakness. It simply wouldn't do. What would they say about her? That she wasn't fit to be the gamma? That she was a wimp, a softie, a crybaby? That she should toughen up and get over it already? She could only imagine what would happen if any one of them found her now. They would probably lose faith in her abilities. She was supposed to be strong, to have it together, to be someone they looked up to. She wasn't allowed to fall apart. Anger filled her, anger at herself and her situation, anger at Fate and Destiny and all of the other evil forces out there working against her. It filled her until she broke, the dam breaking apart and letting the rush free to destroy anything in its path. That just so happened to be the river and a rather unsuspecting fish. Paw swiping out, she swatted at the water, scraping the fish and flipping him onto the land. She watched as he flopped and flailed, struggling for air, and did nothing. She did not help him, did not kill him, but rather watched him die with a sick pleasure at causing pain to another.

She was changing, she noted. When she first came to Crimson Valley, she was shy and quiet. Eventually she grew colder and colder, finding pleasure in others' pain and other various cruel traits. After Dark, she grew softer, more motherly. Before the breakup, she had grown quiet, not because she was shy, but because she prefered to observe rather than interfere until the time was right. Now, however, she could feel herself growing colder, changing into someone she didn't know if she liked. Oh, she wouldn't show this side to everyone, but when she was alone? Hell, the depression ate her up at times; maybe this was the only way she could express herself anymore. She didn't have friends other than Dark, and she couldn't talk to Dark about her and Dark breaking up. That would make things worse. So that left her with... herself? "Welcome to hell, darling. Price of entrance fee? Your heart," she told her reflection, smirking.

[Blackheart]

Being injured, or exhausted, led to some very odd sleeping habits. It was no different for Blackheart; he found himself awake during the hours most of the other pack members slept, though there was a few times during the day he found himself awakening to an empty den site.
The feeling of being alone was weighing on him particularly heavy this evening; despite having been with the pack long enough to know what would be expected of him, when he was recovered enough not to slow anyone down, he didn't connect with anyone. Though, he had to admit, when one didn't interact with anyone, it was hard to make connections. He'd spent so many hours.. days... two years seemed like a lifetime ago, and two years of being in seclusion, emotionally especially, well... it was hard.
He knew what it felt like to live, laugh and love. He had loved once; his heart was not always so cold. There was once a time, once upon a time, when he had a bright future... and in a season, it had all changed. That winter... it was more than just the death of a season. It was the death of many of his kin, his father... his home... his life... his heart.
The Black Winter. That's what his family called it. So many unneccesary deaths, all because of one heartless beast...

Abruptly, he opened his eyes, gazing about. Something had woken him, though he wasn't sure what it was. He had slept away from the dens this night, not wishing to wake up to emptiness again, so he went to stay in a dense clump of grass and shrubs near the river. He liked water; the sound of it was soothing, and usually kept away the nightmares. Something else had stirred him though... a soft splash that didn't quite sound like a fish.
Getting silently to his feet and shaking himself off, he made his way quietly to the shoreline, stopping in the higher grass a few feet away. One of the pack's females was there, glaring at her own reflection. His green eyes studied her curiously, wondering why she was out here at such a late hour alone, when he heard her speak.
"Welcome to hell, darling. Price of entry fee? Your heart."
That statement surprised him a little. Blackheart had always seen the gamma in her day-time persona; dedicated to her work and daughter. He hadn't seen past the mask, to the pain she was now expressing to herself... and him, not that she was aware of it at the moment.
His own mouth twisted into a wry smile. The statement applied to all parties present, not just herself.
Walking a little less carefully, hoping she'd notice him and not attack him for sneaking up on her, he left the tall grass for the shorter crab grass along the banks of the river, where she sat. He sat himself a few feet away, peering at her curiously yet again.
"Sounds like life has been about as fair to you as it has to me," he stated simply, his deep voice rumbling slightly.